Seen as the blog posts of this week have been about my journey through parenthood – this next one fits in quite nicely.
This next blog post you will read is written by my mother, Wendy.
It took a lot of talking round for me to get her to do this as I know she has not always been comfortable with airing your private life to the world. But she has done it because she, like me, believes that hopefully we can help others going through the exact same thing.
My mother has always been my best friend, my closest confidant and someone who I have complete admiration for. She truly is my guardian angel & I know these past 2 years would have been impossible to bear if she wasn’t by my side supporting me along the way.
And so Mum, before I get started on publishing your post for the world to see I just want to say;
Thank you for standing by me through these past few years of hell, I know at times I have tested your patience, drawn tears from your eyes and sent you into complete states of despair, but I wouldn’t be sat here if it wasn’t for you.
I get commended on being brave for sharing these blog posts with the world, but I think you are the true hero here.
Your love and support has helped me in ways which I could never put into words and I will always be forever grateful.
Everything I am and everything I hope to be is all down to you – my amazing Moma.
I hope you all enjoy – Soph x
Well, here we go – a mother’s point of view.
First and foremost I have to say how proud we are of you Soph, you truly are one amazing person for what you have achieved in the last couple of months, being honest with yourself and those around you. I must admit this is all new to me (blogging that is) and I was a bit apprehensive about doing this, but I’m doing it for you.
So, here’s the bit where I get serious.
I can honestly say for the last 18 months I have been to hell and back. To firstly, watch somebody you love pressing the self destruct button – the person you brought up who was bubbly, truly enjoying life disappearing into a shadow of themselves and not really knowing or understanding what’s going on but as a mother you know something isn’t quite right.
Yes – we talked, but a lot of it was hidden, mainly because I know now that she didn’t want to hurt me or let me down, but anyone who knows me knows I will keep badgering away until they finally spill the beans, and that’s what I did. It’s a mother’s trait. I thought at one point I could of worked for M.I Six because I became a secret agent, watching her every move (even resorting to following her) phoning people to see if she was there, or if they had seen her, because on a numerous amount of occasions she would just go missing, not turning into work and not answering her phone. These are the days I would be out of my mind with worry.
Those are the days I wish not to remember. They were the days I would just sit and cry until there were no tears left. I just wanted to put whatever was wrong, right – but we all know it’s not that easy.
At that time I can honestly say everything else in my life went on the backburner, I tried to carry on as normal, just to save face but inside I was crumbling. But like Soph, I knew how to hide it and I just kept smiling.
Everyone in the family seemed to be suffering. Soph was the hot topic of conversation for 18 months and I, at that particular point was blinded by the massive effect it was having on the rest of my family. I was forgetting to ask them how they were, how there day was – looking back now I clearly just couldn’t think straight and I started to neglect everyone around me – and for that I am truly sorry.
I had a notion in my head that Soph was suffering from anxiety and depression – but I’m not a doctor. I brought many books on the topic, but I hid it from her and kept on reading until the right moment came for me to question her.
I knew she was having private counselling – but on January 1st she finally admitted to me that she needed extra help (my prayers had been answered) and she went and booked herself back in with the doctor.
So here we are, 7 months into the year and I can honestly say that her smile has come back. As any mother will tell you, if your children are happy then you are happy. Yes I know we still have a journey but for me it’s finally moving in the right direction, slowly seeing her coming back to us, talking, laughing, and enjoying life again.
I can’t express enough that you need to talk openly and honestly when it comes to mental health because people will listen and understand – yes its hard, especially when it hits you on your own doorstep, but as a family it has made us stronger than ever.
Gone are the days where we cried round our kitchen table (I thought of burning that damn thing) – now we have more laughter, and dance offs in the kitchen and that’s the way we want it – back to the old days.
Our journey has not ended here, and we still have a way to go but it’s getting better with each day that passes and that is all I can hope for.
Dedicated to one amazing mother and daughter.
There is nothing quite like a mother daughter bond.
So very proud of who you are.